WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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