Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My dick has a subreddit
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
