do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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