carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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