I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
