Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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