Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
