If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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