his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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