I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
