my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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