we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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