it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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