He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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