woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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