There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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