Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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