So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Randomize
