i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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