Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize