He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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