I wish my penis had an off switch
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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