I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
