I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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