i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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