shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
