Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
