He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
