just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
