I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
