So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
