It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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