You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
