Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
