"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize