I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
