I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He has the fingertips of a God
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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