I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
