Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
what day is it and did you see me today?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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