if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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