would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
