careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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