Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
