It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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