So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
