He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
