he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
