Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i wish my penis had a tongue
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
