Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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