when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
