Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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