He disabled his match.com account in front of me
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
