I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize