So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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