I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
