Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
