hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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