it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize