god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
