He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Floor bacon is actually really good
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
