apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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