Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize