Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
50% drunk capacity currently
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
