she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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