Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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