So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
