Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
