The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
