you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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