Where is the hickey?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I had to cum in my sink.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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