I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I will be naked everywhere
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
